The Written Words Of Me

M T G

2011-06-05T18:50:00.000-07:00

Thinking back on my last year I started writing some poems / lyrics. I wanted to show as a part of my release of creativity as I am getting back to my writing roots.

In a day that’s swept in rain

My eyes have been hurt open again

With this pain thats in my mind

That you’re leaving me behind

I felt this strain that was in my side

You say there wasn’t someone to hide

It’s just too hard to believe in you at times

After all that you put me through rewind

Those texts that you got that day

That smile you hid right on your face

Don’t forget you cheated in front of me

How stupid what did I do not leave

Is it hard to show me sometimes

That you’re proud of what is mine

You left all too quick for me

You say that its nothing for me to read

That you would have made it up to me

Your talk is that just as of late

Actions never were yours too play

How many times have I spelt it for you

Word for word what I wanted from you

No compromise, you put me through that strain

You know your friends show as much shame

How ive lied for you, lying to them for you too

Thats a selfish kind of trait

Wish you would just open up and be brave

Can you please show me what love would’ve been mine

You claimed that we would’ve wed someday,

It’s true I wanted more from you

You stayed and pulled me through

More to come, You will hear from me soon as I have a whole lot of news for everyone :)

xoxo Will Wilson xoxo

It Is What It Is

2010-03-04T19:23:00.000-08:00

From all the times in my life that I was ever unsure of anything, I would always tend to try harder. To try harder is sometimes where the damage is mostly done.

It was unlike anything I have ever experienced, and it had its ups and downs but everyone learns from mistakes and achievements. It took the setting of a summer’s eve, me as an independent male was out on the town with some friends celebrating for an event I had missed but had the opportunity to build upon and experience in a different light. It was just a glance in that eye that caught my soul, I was curious for more but I knew the love interest of this eye wouldn’t be too happy so I backed off. It was the next few meetings that had made me think that it was to be. To be is what I was unsure of until now, a time in my life where I had that eye in my soul. A time to help heal someone, to let them see how beautiful life can be with them in it. This isn’t one of those love stories that you would expect to read about because it wasn’t all roses and butterflies, but it is love.

On the night where we first met, I had not merely paid attention to this person. Didn’t feel the need to honestly but I had thought that when the time is right it would happen, and it did. The couple that had been through a lot together looked tired, and the protective nature was very apparent. It’s funny, when you fall for someone they see you for who you are alone… not who you are when in love. Why is it that people love the alone state more then that they are when they mean something more… I’ll stop side tracking. I communicated on a lower level not thinking much on the first meeting but that this person was very attractive and meaningful but didn’t grasp on what level. At that time I had left to recover myself from the night of social delinquency. Woke up the next morning not thinking anything about this but a mere meeting of someone. I had to go to my performing class at that time and work on my craftsmanship, so along I went content with who I was and a confident thirst of life. I had a showcase planned in a few weeks and did not want to embarrass myself in front of the crowd I had asked to attend.

I have a spirit of a young man that is true but my heart has aged due to my past experiences in life. The last time I had looked into someone’s eyes with any significance I had been taken a fool. This time At that point where I realized I was treated as such, I promised myself never to gravitate to the same situation, even if it meant to give up everything, it would have been better then feeling so insignificant to someone who was on a high regard to my love. How easy it is to say these things before you actually go through in the motion right?

So back on track.. My showcase was amazing and I had a blast. Had the support of my loved ones all in audience. I was on top of the world, and then the group of us all attended a local pub for some congratulatory drinks and food for me. Not in any thoughts of this person I hold so dear now, had he walked in to meet with my friend. I thought how strange, as I knew something between us from first sight was there. We all enjoyed conversation and reminiscing about the past to catch each other up on where our lives where taking us. We all then started to move to the next venue of choice for some cheap cocktails and laughs. At this point I was communicating more openly with the one who re entered so marvelously. We both just had this innate ability to talk with no end in sight. At this point I knew he was still in his breaking relationship and did not want to intrude but yet lend a hand on any wrong doings. I know myself and conversation is always the best therapy. I remember the last words of that night were around the statement of his words

“So you want to come home with me now eh?”

I remember that so clearly and it will make more sense in the later ends of this story. I rebutted,

“Is that what you want?”

Showing how cocky I could have been.. I then returned to my group of friends as I knew this was not what I nor he had intended for us. He then had left due to his prior companion showing up in a un eased manner. I again did not think twice about any further situation as I had no intent to freak him out, and the portrayal of a home wrecker is not something one likes on their shoulder. I remember going back to meet my friends new interest and him being very polite and surprisingly open and at ease within the certain area we were in. None the less it was fun all in all, the weather was great and the stars were out for all to see. If you haven’t guessed this started to take place in the summer months, maybe I didn’t make it to clear but now you are well informed.

The next time I would meet this amazing hidden spirit would be at my brother’s birthday bash. At this time I was ready to make the acquaintance of the bright soul hidden in the dark corner. This was the night where things made clear of what was to come. I had had many of conversations with this specimen and wanted more. I knew that I had to ask for some form of communication, and as it so happened he was interested in the conversations on a deeper level as well. This was near the late summer where the days were long and the time was great. I remember the first time I opened my door to see him walk in. It made me happy; made me happier then I had been by far. I had understood that there was little to advance on as I had not been sure where his emotions lied at time. I then learned that he had been broken, literally inside I could see pain, struggle and remorse, not for himself but for what has happened in his past.

I only at that point was thinking on how I could spread my soul to help heal his. You know when you look into someone’s eyes and you see a passion burning inside but they are afraid or are in bad time to let it out. That’s where he stood, alone and I now understand when he claims “I don’t know what lonely is”. After hearing that now I feel pity on his behalf because if he can never be lonely he can never truly love. It took some time for me to choose the word pity, but it is a true feeling but does not elaborate past that one statement. I only feel it as he may never feel that. I love him for who he is; just at that point it was pity to know that a lonely side wouldn’t be truly understood.

The days the nights just flew by, literally I remember waking up in the morning next to beauty. The one thing in the world that I had found some new state of mind in. I still wake up with the feeling of bliss and complete intoxication with his being, for the maturity of a adult relationship. The days flew by at work, with ease in every situation even if it was a mess; it was my mess that was cleared with strength in knowledge. To start to understand where I am coming from with my career choices, the current full time position has always been the vein of my existence with this man, probably put more strain on the whole situation that had made it a mess at times. It took time for me to see it for what it truly is. So back on track, as I at this point was in a happy state of well being, it was natural for my work and levels of commitment to even out on all levels. It was almost natural to wake up with a great feeling and withhold it for the day to come just for the chance to talk or see this man.

In his eyes this was the time that made it hard on him, let alone his prior relationship had ended on a awkward level, that to this day is still in strain on him, but he had lost his position within his company. They had gone on hiatus due to the recent recession in the world. It was like a bullet to his head, to lose his passion in one aspect the too lose his commitment in his love life then to have an unstable home life, how could that not effect someone. I opened my arms and home to help if it would have made any difference, and it did. I knew that there was a level of dependence that would not be admitted no matter how much it was relevant. I remember the times when I would get the drive to work, the early morning rise and the sometimes surprising sexual energy or teasing that would transpire but to most it is viewed as the early stage of the relationship, not to be taken lightly as this still wasn’t the time where I would truly know who someone was.

I saw things for what they truly were, the statement “it is what it is” made sense to me at that point and had no negative undertone. I had no expectations but to be a friend, but once I had accepted the position of a friend would my feelings never really make it less. I knew who he was inside but to this day he would not admit to the full image I do see. I remember one summer’s eve we were sitting on my balcony, sitting and talking and even if I had not opened my mouth much he would still feel at ease because he could vent. I let it happen, because sometimes all someone needs is for someone to listen. He lost his job but that itself didn’t hit him as hard as the personal relations he made within the workplace, they were his family, his people who made him happy and who in past were there once a relationship would had broke. He admitted that months later those things were always easier with the security of the employment. He opened his life in a aspect, maybe a freckle of the past existence but to an understanding which he would not be aware of, through my eyes it was on a different level.

His past had come back to bite me in the ass in some aspect at this point. I remember a day when I had lunch with a friend of mine, then as planned we had a few drinks. We started talking about the eve that we had all met the new interest. I was curious as to why this had been brought up, not knowing that it was a point of Drama for both my friends and my new interest. The pal had explained on how the interests ex partner had come by for a few drinks. Had come to talk and hang out, which I had not found weird at the time but once it was brought up to the interest it was reworded with new meaning. Now I know that my friends are not the most innocent but I know what’s right and wrong. Now it was left to believe that my pals (partners) had made advancements on this riff raff that is to be known as my interests past partner. A total fabrication from the truth as they together would never take part in this, maybe separately but not together. I know weird how homosexual relationships work but what is commitment now a days, it’s been renamed and wrapped with a bow on it not to be revealed until signed with blood on script… I know many think cheating is wrong and I do believe that, but in a adult relationship, think logically, do you expect to sleep with the same person forever, or do they… things happen and no matter who you are it can. I do not condone going out and looking for it, but I do understand circumstances and things are not always as they seem. So back to the drama, once this ex brought it up to my interest it was told a different way then what I had been informed. Knowing the psychotic nature of this ex and the patience of my friends, I knew which to believe. I knew that ex came in and had drinks and ran his mouth way to openly and the friends just got bored of listening and said good day. This made it weird in the first encounter that interest and friend would have had but we moved past this as it was bound to have happened due to some past events. After this situation had blown over I felt that all was clear, and I knew that it was handled in an appropriate manner. Address, react and recover. We did it together, which made me think more upon this interest, it was totally the beginning of me seeing things in a better way. A way of future and a way that made me grow for this person.

Even though he may have been damaged, I got to see smiles, I got them out of him. We would do random things, literally, we would go to a beach and just lay there after work and talk…. Or go out on the town for a few drinks to enjoy each other’s company, even if it was on my work time I would somehow find a way to just release and move forward with what was happening. It truly was just the spirit of him that made my life more tolerable, worth risking, but at the time I wouldn’t exactly risk it all due to the fact we both had much to learn on each other. I would go out with friends very frequently and would never lose sight on what fun I had in the past. Then for some unknown reason something changed. I remember the first time he invited me into his home; it was something new… not like I had done this before. We at this time had been hanging out quiet regularly but the rendezvous spot would always take place within my house. I believe in me it came down to the thought that someone’s home is there safe haven, there blanket if you would call it. I openly wanted him to be in mine, but now he had wanted me to be in his. It made my mind clear that in the small time but the deep conversations this was real. This was happening and to just go with the day to day theory in which I was with him and wanted him with me.

The first few times I had come over to his place located a little further out of the dt core in which I reside in, it was interesting as it was a new territory, a new aspect in which I was almost consumed in wonder of. I know it’s pretty straight forward he invited you to stay at his place, that’s all. In my mind it was placed in a way of opening. This is the place in which he made a home for himself and his past life, the past in which now could become the future if I wasn’t to clingy or forward in the manner that he knew he had me at his heart.

At this point I remember just waking up in his bed, him holding me and me looking out the window at the warm day ahead. To be honest I cannot remember the last time I had woken up in someone’s arms feeling like this was so true and was what I wanted for the rest of time, not to be too corny. On a honest level well it was like I was in love for the first time again, but to let him know wouldn’t be the smartest thing right away, hold it back, at this point it had only been around the 2 month mark of our time being just us and relaxing and taking day by day.

One thing I was absolutely sure of at this point, the small things in life can hold just as much meaning as the smaller. When you think about it the big things in life are only a mark on what you had made happen, the small things are what you had been through and worked on to make the mark. The conversations of dreams and aspirations and beliefs and personal growths had made me wonder on how I could be so lucky as to have met someone who can hold that with me. Holding conversations at times can be hard, especially with the pedestrians in this city as I find half of most are not well educated or are just socially inept. The next few weeks had been just on personal growth on both behalves, since we had talked about the hurt in ones another’s life. The pain that had been seen and experienced and just related on how things could change and would in time it was just the acceptance on patience which to this day I had never been fond of, but have learnt from what I was experiencing.

The summer was ending and the weather so still spirited in warmth had been holding unto a colder time. I remember it was near the end of September, I had thought of a place I had went with random friends years prior and that held such significance just based of the view. It was of the city, but in a distance. All the buildings, all the lights and all the problems seemed so small from this point, like you were looking into Toronto’s globe. I wanted this to be a spot of importance, a spot where he could remember that things were and are great from an outside perspective. This was the very spot I couldn’t hold my feelings in anymore, I had taken the plunge and told him my thoughts, told him how I felt, told him that I love him. I know your thinking wow you fool, why so quick, why so cheesy. Well to be honest its something I wish someone would have done for me along some timeline. I thought that if I could make someone I love smile with that why not do it. At this point he was in a minor down vibe about where his position in life stood but I knew that this moment made a difference, it showed someone cared. Someone wanted a change for the better for him; even if he wanted to fight it off in a theory it would not be forgotten. He said “I love you” back. To this day I do believe in this love, and it is strong, but I do sometimes wonder that if I held it back for a little more time what would be different. I have concluded that nothing would, love is love and you know after spending a consecutive repetitive amount of time with someone if you do.

There it was laid all on the table, how I felt and what was in my mind and what I wanted to transpire. I know that at times it may have been hard but I was warned not to read into him, he would be hot and cold and this was no news to me. I was warned by one of his close friends about his personality, but yet again to actually take what thus friend said seriously was to be debated as I have found in recent events. I will be flat honest, my love was in a unstable mind control the use of medications I had known all too well until a prior few years was taking place. I relate in the fact that I know how hard it can be if your doctors are placing you in a unstable mind state and using you as a guinea pig for their commissioned meds. I remember at one night, there was a freight as I remember a prior conversation in which the person I have grown so close to had mentioned on how he was upset constantly and was wanting to end things, he didn’t clarify on the plural of End. An end thing was interpreted as ending his life, as I had done some research on the meds he was consuming. I remember the only reason I had thought this is because he had not messaged in a few hours, after we had planned to hang out. I had shown up to his place and knocked for about 20 minutes at his door and had no answer. At this point my mind was consumed with a natural state of worry, as I would wish someone would worry in the same aspect for me in this manner should the event arise. I got on the bus and travelled back to my place, in conversation with a close friend at a time, which had gone through the same event within the prior months. She suggested for me to call the police, just to report a worry, remain nameless and just let them know the situation as if I truly loved him and was worried for his best interest to do the right thing. To this day he was never informed on who it was that placed the call but something the officer said made it clear that it was me, and not that I cared just I wanted him to know that he was loved and I wouldn’t ever walk away in a time of need, shows a strong character to do something like that. The funny thing is getting to know who he was at that time and not being controlled by the daily grind he fell asleep for nightly naps quite frequently, before me spending any significant amount of time at his place I just should have though on that. All in all that was an event that took place and will not be forgotten even though if it was the result of a cat nap.

So after that fact this would bring us up until around the middle of October, so it was getting chilly and just a normal annoyance of weather. Staying at my place then staying at his place became clear on where I wanted to be. Not that I didn’t feel at home where I reside, just was that someone ultimately opened there home to me, we have shared upon our personal spaces and to be honest I felt more comfortable in his space then where I could at home. I live with a roommate and to be frank, yes I have OCD in a minor part, which would become a inside joke within the times In the location where I live it is in a constant state of mess and disarray if I am not in the area, always a part to clean or dishes to do, or something to be dusted or organized, even if it wasn’t for my OCD at times the mess would seem like an overabundance of annoyance. It was more and more that I had started to make way into his place, and willingly and open to anything to come, which made me feel as if the world was my oyster. Now right about when I started to visit here more often, I did a movie shoot in Hamilton. The move was named “Baby Love” which was produced by Novelette Productions, was a fun learning experience but showed that well I wanted to work on a professional set, something more substantial and organized. I remember the conversations that M and myself had started about this, the script well wasn’t solid and did have modifications, He warned me that this would definitely be an experience but to keep my head up as this was not the first production I would encounter. I still audition very frequently but the winter months were approaching which is dead time for most entertainment focuses.

A common interest which has been always there is the Entertainment Industry, he works as a post production manager and editor and I was a actor beginning into the open industry of deceit and lies at times. I was very clear on that understanding long before I had met M and I will never forget on how things can change in all of an instance. The knowledge he holds is something that has inspired me to learn more and to achieve the great goals in which he has achieved.

So enough about what we do and side tracking from the mail message but just to put it out there our dreams and aspirations are a line to the same area. Back to where I was thinking about his stability. To be honest and forward when I met M it was during the lower stage as he was in a rut. When you meet someone on the low side you can see them for who they truly are, and that’s what gravitated in a sense, that I could see who he was even though he was going through something hard. At that point where I saw what he was going through I had turned to where I had when i had experienced the trials. I then went to poetry, wrote from the heart and gave a part of what I thought could help. It went something like this.

In the days where we believe
From the eve’s where we were naive
I still know between you and me
We will truly make this see

At times when life is tough
You exterior shell still may be a little rough
In you I will always see though eyes the man you’ll be
It is easy to stray when that one’s away
The heart may feel at bay, but good times on way

You smile without a doubt as your life is on its route
It makes me believe that what we will be can see
Our voices entwined upon an autumns eve
Relating on what and how we believe
Such an internal release we can breathe from ones word

What is yet to come had made my mind at times numb
The silence is not more than a relief but yet a way to know what we need
It may be hard to hold, making things right and or may be cold
My voice and spirit is free, and I choose you to be a part of me
In the ease of the night, without a freight of the light
You will lean in to me, and whisper l can imagine what can be
At times it’s hard to see, as it is what will become of me
You are the one I want indeed and I want you to believe
Opening one heart is not a game, and must be taken in ease not vein
It is who I want to be, the man that stands here, me.
know that seasons change, but the heart will remain the same
In time the warmth will release, as a past may freeze upon what may not be at ease
Eyes are the door to ones soul and will give you away if ones too bold
Happiness is here in me, just wait as time has proven it from thee
Dreams are meant to be followed, as you and I have modeled
A future made out of what the worlds can put in place
What will bring us into our decided fate with the human race
We can take on the world on just you and me
As we will have a power that blind if no one could see
Don’t fight this, as I know this should be cause you can handle me
Whisper let It Be…

I also then started to be more prominent as I remember it was a little tougher and to be honest I felt a little threatened as M’s past lover had come back in a minor way and would appear randomly and I knew that was unsettling for him but in the same vote it was extremely for me. It doesn’t take a scientist to tell you that when an EX comes around frequently that something if off. I understand the statement of not reading into thing, but when its flashed in your face more the once in a weekend it is a little unsettling. That was near the beginning of November so a few months after we had started on our personal journey together. I know that me as a human being can show some paranoid signs and well with the OCD in some aspects it doesn’t help so I learned on how to not think about the negative. If you think on a negative state then you will see the negative happen right? Is that just being naive though? I mean if you want to share your life with someone and they are alright with who you are then why would they start to do stupid things?

At this point in our relationship things were up, just was where I thought it would end up were we would start to see parts of each other that would be valid. I learned that well I need space just as much as the next person, and if there is no space then it may get to be difficult. If you have that feeling of being backed to the wall then it will be difficult, but when you deserve to be in that corner then don’t be afraid of placing properly. I know that questions can create havoc but if you don’t ask them then would you second guess yourself?

So the month of November was a little interesting to be out there, we had the conversations about a mutual friend being completely and utterly jealous and trying to pull us away from side to side. Funny thing is he became a much better friend to me since I had been seeing M. Weird eh?

In Me

2010-01-14T21:02:00.001-08:00

Say This Now, Take It Weak

Common minds that were made to lead

I stand alone, yet beside my stone

I can always see what’s right to me

You laugh it off now, It may cut deep

I see the rain, It speaks to me

A challenge drives right in so deep

We’re perfect now, why can this be

I can take a breath, cause I’m not in lead

I can see upon all that’s bleeding

A world that causes so much pain

I trembled then, but I stand here

I can see through the rain, you brought me home again

I know that I will stand whats next

You look at me, Cause you’re not leaving

Wake up every day and say that I can beat

The dark cloud now, seems to move to east

I have been released from whats been eating

I know im not alone in saying that life,

It can be defeating

But stand up once again, and you will see my friend

Im So Glad That Your Happy

2010-01-14T17:19:00.001-08:00

This is more than anything I have felt by far
I feel the strength from within me
All the good times play by in my head
Reminds me why I’m with you, I’m not so dead
All the feelings inside are valid now
I feel whole and complete with you right there
You would not imagine how this is so
You can see just what happens when times are still
From being left aside in past till it killedI must say that I’m sorry to have strained so much
It’s the last time ill say this but it hurt so much
My eyes were opened by only you
I can see why patience is catch 22
Will you look at me and say that you cant live without
You say I have saved you without a doubt
I can feel how a savior was in such need
I didn’t plan on that happening but it mean so much to me
To know that I’m in your heart with such a high claim
Sometime forgotten but I won’t live it down
You have saved a part of my peace that was found
I cant wait to see what future holds
I know life’s a challenge but damb lets take hold
With you I can just be and let things slide
We can make so much of such a small time
I can see how I wont ever let go
You mean so much to me and that’s a story told

Sunrise

2010-01-14T10:59:00.001-08:00

Everytime I Try
I look Into Your Eyes
I Know That We Belong Together
Every Day and Night
Your All I Can Think ABout
You Know Ill Be Yours Forever
Here We Are, In Eachothers Arms
We Can Say That We Never Go Far
Here I Stand Holding Onto Arms
As I See You Just For Who You Are
I May Have Tried
Agreed That Sometimes We Hear Hide
Throught It All, I Would Never Fall
I Can Fell It From Your Side
A Soul So Strong, Take Down A Wall
I Will Climb The Rest, To Get Your Best
You Know Im Right, Cast The Fears Aside
As a Future Holds A Key For We
You Can Touch Ones Heart
I Cannot See This Thing Grow Apart
The Sun Will Rise and Bring Us Up Inside
In Your Eyes

xoxo Will xoxo

Pain

2010-01-10T17:26:00.000-08:00

In the ways you’ll never understand

You think you’re on the upper hand

Control is rarely maintained

Respect is never gained

All the times you wouldn’t see

Make excuses and change from what be

Open your eyes to reach whats meant

Linguring losses are never to be kept

A never ending game of whos stake to claim

When one cant admit secrets that have been omit

Hiding is never the best key

Open up and let things be

Truth may hurt but it is partial

Time can heal all that’s been awful

Sights on what needed for each

Cloudy but what we both want to preach

Will you change if needed to see

It takes two to make things be

Things were great until to much at stake

Steps back are always viewed with a rate

I want more to see then what words may be

Movement around on whats become profound

Can we make this or will we not

I will not be the one whos been fought

Confusion

2010-01-10T17:25:00.000-08:00

It was the summer of dreams

It was the person left in me

All the times I’ve walked alone in the city on my own

There was a feeling inside, something I can’t describe

Something I wanted to share with a boy who would care

In the passion of my life

Always wanting to help what’s right

Forgetting the person in me who made up all these needs

Question feelings inside to cover up the cuts left behind

Now it’s time to stand my ground

On what was meant and not what’s found

Never wanting to start the fight, but will have to make it right

All your emotions kept behind, it was what hindered us tonight

You couldn’t realize how you made me see

What you wanted and planned for me

All the times I was ignored, ya right you should have answered more

You told me don’t read into me, so you could fill my life with deceit

You may think you have me now

I’m smarter than your clowns, you’ll own up to me you’ll see

Because you will burn up with it neat

Love makes each lives put up for stake, in that corner you will remain

Being backed against a wall, is nothing new for you at all

Why can’t you see it you to change, before you can truly be humaine

All the games you play you see, burn up with others with such deceit

You can betray behind you eyes but one look may make me rise

I know just who you are and I will not be made sub par

I am significant for you, to open up from blues

You will thank me years from now

You’ll make it up to me somehow.

Whisper Let It Be

2010-01-10T17:14:00.000-08:00

In the days where we believe
From the eve’s where we were naive
I still know between you and me
We will truly make this see

At times when life is tough
You exterior shell still may be a little rough
In you I will always see though eyes the man you’ll be
It is easy to stray when that one’s away
The heart may feel at bay, but good times on way

You smile without a doubt as your life is on its route
It makes me believe that what we will be can see
Our voices entwined upon an autumns eve
Relating on what and how we believe
Such an internal release we can breathe from ones word

What is yet to come had made my mind at times numb
The silence is not more than a relief but yet a way to know what we need
It may be hard to hold, making things right and or may be cold
My voice and spirit is free, and I choose you to be a part of me
In the ease of the night, without a freight of the light
You will lean in to me, and whisper l can imagine what can be
At times it’s hard to see, as it is what will become of me
You are the one I want indeed and I want you to believe
Opening one heart is not a game, and must be taken in ease not vein
It is who I want to be, the man that stands here, me.

I know that seasons change, but the heart will remain the same
In time the warmth will release, as a past may freeze upon what may not be at ease
Eyes are the door to ones soul and will give you away if ones too bold
Happiness is here in me, just wait as time has proven it from thee
Dreams are meant to be followed, as you and I have modeled
A future made out of what the worlds can put in place
What will bring us into our decided fate with the human race
We can take on the world on just you and me
As we will have a power that blind if no one could see
Don’t fight this, as I know this should be cause you can handle me
Whisper let It Be…

M

2010-01-10T17:13:00.000-08:00

In the time when i believed

In what I could receive

A foolish thought in me

Changed a point to read

A ultimate pain had made it once again

A pain that never hurt except its owners gain

The mind dormate

To what true lifes about

Had opened its heart

To learn what loves about

Ill never let go of what had come to me

Because the eyes of beauty had freed my soul to see

He may never know what thats about

I will never show an ounce of doubt

A friend is what I have gained,

A love is what had remained

An eternal understanding may be to come

Let the soul of who you love run

It will see what means to be

A future is whats in need

It Is What It Is

2010-01-10T17:12:00.000-08:00

I saw you walk away from my eyes
I wanted nothing more then to let this ride
All I could think of was how many lies

I knew the person you were from inside
I wanted nothing more then to let you be mine for a time
I grew to see the way you would be, but something inside me thought you could be deep
Your friends have all said more then what was to mend, I just laid it to bed

For the many ways we have been so serine
All the parties and times were we were able to let be
I never thought of much until you went away
My eyes opened with so much more to say

The distance is right the rift may be a fight
All I know is what can be at toll
I wont let down on what I have found
Open and see you mean much more to me

You hide away with so much more to say
Your words make up on the past and whats been done
Let me show you how to make things run

A stub urn nature in you, but I cannot refuse
You hold back on how to be, but the only thing is its me
I have tried to let you see just how it could be
Will you throw that away, from each single day?

I am strong and I am wise
I will not see myself demise
This part of me I feel will never make things surreal

It is time for you to see
How much you mean to me
Take the step that needs to be done
I will not run or disapprove with whats to come

Lifes to short for all the loss
Lifes always great with what can be won
Its a catch 22, when sometimes I feel for you
As you may see, You walk away from me

You hold back on whats in store
You separate with unconscious to what may before
I see who you are and I am willing to be
Just you need to open up to me!

Lies

2010-01-10T17:11:00.000-08:00

When you make up how you live
With so much on how you can give
Someone can start to wonder
How you do treat those others

I know just how you are
I've seen it not from afar
Little white lies may be what you see
Deceit is a prospective of so much more

The missing links to what you say
Make people question you everyday
Does it get tiring on how you live you life
Do you see what meaning you give

They know you from inside
Rush to the cold of the outside
Hide within the white slate
You might just be too late

If someone really cared on these
They would bring you to your knees
The freight of loosing all may be
Thats why they just swallow and leave

Lives are at steak
When you make your way in the world
Dont be afraid to let it go
The end result may not be told

The Long Run

2009-08-12T08:34:00.000-07:00

I thought you grew closer, but yet you’re so far
I think of the memories, of who I know you are
You were so silent, and yet never afraid
Here in my apartment, I will lay to think of how you behave

When the light comes, Do you feel the shine run
Thinking of when the time comes, to take you away
Will you hate me, treat me when you’re angry
Sharing when in rest, when it’s the best

Dont be afraid, I won't hurt you
As I see much more, entrusted in you
I saw us both laughing, running away
Hiding from no one, to make a great day
You seemed so happy, All fears put to rest

Now the heart comes,
leaving what the pasts done,
Healing in my arms,
No reason to be afraid,
I will hold ya, When Feeling empty
Seek me so contently,
I will love you

I see the set raining, with a blue glare
You see the spark rising, in my heart dear
We will grow strong now, without all the tears
This is what love is, I want you right here

So I am asking will you stay till the end

When our time comes
See us growing with live hun
Our dreams will reach a high run
Just cause you were there.

Hearts

2009-07-30T13:41:00.000-07:00

I know why we seek
I truly just want a peek
I stray away from what is real
Its the past who made that deal

I cant imagine a life without
Someone who lived with too much doubt
Look inside and you will see
The things you need to succeed

You can only reep what you sow
Make much more with who you know
Is that true in all you know
Why as someone told you so

Another to hold and rest in bed
Is what all want for the end
The hunt is fearful
The found is fake
How many times before you hate

I wish in hope that I can see
As someone has curse the life I lead
Child to man is the way you go
Only if you truly let go

Inside we know it can be there
Find the one who is open to share
Hold back your heart until you know
That one will never let go

Unreliable

2009-07-30T13:31:00.000-07:00

I opened my eyes
Couldnt beleive the lies
Should've been inside
Where the truth will always arise

I know now not to trust
I know how why I thought that much
All the points where there to believe
I wanted more then what you could conceive

You claimed all too much of sense
Did you really mean what was said
Here I lay restless in that bed
Where I thought made more awake

I still hurt much from all my past
Vonerable is what makes last
You saw how much you meant inside
Covered It with all the ties

People start and state much more
I couldnt fatham you being a whore
We connected to close to call
Do you mean anything at all

Figments at large it may seem
I played a trick on myself it seems
I filled the void with one untrue
You couldnt have done that too

I took chance and now I see
I do mean more too me
Place yourself in where I stand
You would learn more in grand

Forgotten Friend

2009-07-28T07:22:00.000-07:00

We Grew, We Ran
We Stayed, We Played
I Changed , You Relayed

Even though the time has moved on
Though you may have thought I pushed wrong
I didn’t mean to make things fall apart

I see you now and glance fondly
Doesn’t mean we had such a quarrel
You know it was just time to find

This is not an intent to reach
It never would have been said right
I wanted you to know it doesn’t matter
Let not place now to be wrong

Remember all the laughs we shared
All the friggin beer was there
We used to have the best of times

It’s never time to say goodbye
Even if we blamed to high
I wrote this just to put it there
If I called would you be there?

I got a glimpse of all you need
Could never rush to hurt the need
So look back now and you can tell
what was real when there.

Waving Winds

2009-07-28T07:04:00.000-07:00

Can you feel the sun up rising
Do you hear the cars rush by
Could you have even just realized

A darker shawdow starts to wander
The light tries to fludder
Was this when it might have made you cry?

I feel the breeze alone
You see it in the water
Were we both lay calm
Even through the storm

You see the truth in me
I feel you think a bit harder
Pass the judgement calls
After he thought of it all

Who Am I ?

2009-07-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

I've never been me

I'm always what i need to be

For you, for her, for ones in the past

I did try to make them last

I was what you needed

When it was love

When it was kind

When it was gentle

When it was blind

Now that you don't need me

I'll be what you need me to be

I'll be anger

I'll be hate

I'll be cold

I wasn't what you hoped i would be

But i will always be what you need me to be

Back Then

2009-07-27T10:51:00.000-07:00

Thinking of the days we had it
Dreaming of way you let it
I was always meant to say the lie

Did you really think so honest
Did I ever wake to want it
I just wanted to see you cry

Now remember this, Don't you fall
Even if the world ended raw
We still owe it to ourselves, all in all
The love that remains most of all

I wanted you to know
You could have done it better
Within you open arms
Found that I was strong
We were always pushed aside

Remember all the ways I taunted
Pushing you away as wanted
You knew all the works of goodbye

I wouldnt see it then
How we made it
You couldnt mean it now
Even if you faked it

This is the last time I try
I even put in a letter
How I felt back then

Even though I dont regret much
You could've made things right again
Shouldn't have started all the fights

Now I see you again
How we were back then

White Lies

2009-07-23T10:59:00.001-07:00

If you knew something painful
If tried to stop and seal
Would you turn back time
Would you truly reveal

If you had the chance to change something
If you had a shot to stop
One's pain from emerging
Would it be enough

Do you truly believe that it is right
To tempt fate and karma
Would you start a fright?

For those who see this for what it is
Make it a statement that hold within
Humans can see, smell and hear
Energy can start and stop the fear

We are merely pawns on the board of life
To tempt one another with one part of life
The truth is gold that you can exchange
Bring it to the market see what can change

A fabrication can be linked
Think beyond what those will speak
Receive the light give the rain
Yet once final who will be in pain..

In Times Court

2009-07-23T10:42:00.000-07:00

Alone we all stand
Ready to complete
For some whos waited through weeps

You can only find the one
Without searching through the sun
They will come in nick of time
To make sure your sun will rise

A lasting companion is hard to find
Can you only imagine to do it blind
But then you would begin to see
True qualities that should be

With the lonely heart you can heal
You can strive and begin to appeal
You can see the glass and try to fill
Can you see the shadow in the shade?

True and real are in the air
Its like you never see it coming very rare
It will hold you, touch you, treat you right
You'd accept it if you knew right?

Many of us can't read the signs
Many are jaded and read between the lines
When the time comes to be able to see
You might just push away the ones who hold the key..

In The Rain

2009-07-23T09:50:00.000-07:00

I Readily Arise,
Open to see sunrise,
Thinking of the eyes
That laid by my side

Once the light see's me
I embrace this with such glee
You quiver with some fear
I reassure without a doubt

In time all will reveal
Answers that were left but not sealed
We all have to find our own ways
They sometimes connect those who will stay

In the time I have spent near
I've been blinded without any fear
With the past being insincere
Be assured I will be here

The mind imagining what can be
The soul yearning for what it can see
For only we know and time to tell
In the rain through the hail
A rainbow will emerge but time will tell......

For The One

2009-04-08T19:00:00.000-07:00

You are the one I see by me
You make me fill with glee

From the moment I hear the bell
I rush to get to tell
Here is where you and me
Can Be

For if only a moment could come
Where we both were having fun
In my mind you could see
How much you mean to me

This time I know your real
I know how you feel
You can see right through me
This is how it is suppose to be

With no fears for turning back
Eternally we could have the track
Through the rain and above the clouds
Is what my mind thinks when in mind

For there may be good there may be bad
Time could make things past
When I see your eye, just by mine
I give a wiggle and all is fine

You may have pain
I may have strained
All through-out a day
I send it sane

You are what I need
Newly taught me
Make things clear
I will be here.

Is Toronto Dead.... ? Time To Change !!!

2009-04-08T12:06:00.001-07:00

I have had numerous conversations with "Torontonians" and it seems to the vast majority believe this may become a reailty for the entertainment industry. I have resided here in Toronto for the last 3 years and have found that since my first day the club districts have been sub par. I remember being a underaged teen and coming into the city enjoying what Toronto had to offer, lately it seems the corporate levels of society have taken control.

If you think of Toronto what do you think about ? I bet right now your thinking about the buisness aspect of the city, the goverment agencies, the privately owned franchises and the numerous resturants that we have to offer here.

Think 5-8 years back, as a younger person what peeked your interest then? Toronto had the best raves and clubs that central Canada had to offer, now we hand over the crown to Montreal and further cities. Is this all based on the fact we are becoming more involved in the buisness aspects? Where are the promoters now that had access to great venues, have they just forgot there great acheivements ?

This is just a note that I personally wanted to write in the hope that we in Toronto can bounce back, we have a limited amount of venues and for the gay community it is none to par. The saying "What we touch goes gold" has finally proven to be false as the community dispands. We have promoters and hosts like Matt Sims and Gairy Brown who have yet to actually promote a party true to the times we all remember and why these people wanted into the industry. In light of the situation we have had a handfull of parties that yearly do acheive such tranquility but again they are just a yearly event (i.e. Pride)

The fact that Church St. alone can not host such fabulous and extreme events in there venues established would be a surprise as we have greatly grown as a community. Why is it that we have parties in the one venue (FLY) that appeal to one demographic as we have grown why wouldnt the variety? If this continues what will be left in 5 years ? 10 years ?

As a concerned citizen of this commiunity i believe we need a proper buisness to see fit to these events, a crew of hosts and promoters and club owners to stand tall and grasp upon the times, as we are in the year 2009 why wouldnt the parties advance? We have a larger community now and it is up to everyone to work together and see past there petty differences that the church st crowd has subjected themselves to. To those who feel they are better you definately are not, so help your fellow family members in the community and offer something that would make Toronto a proud host to the entertainment that everyone raved about.

Extreme Fitness, Extreme Delay

2009-04-08T12:04:00.000-07:00

I wanted to express my point of view upon the communities who have these great foundations of health upon them. I had signed up for a membership in February of 2008 and have been not to happy with the service provided to be truthful. When I first heard about this club it was from phone call received advertising that my friend has signed up and has referred me to the facility and I would receive my first month at no cost. That intrigued me so I had went to the John St facility to take a tour of the site and see what I felt about the atmosphere. I was taken around the facility by a young lady who had promoted the facility to “extreme” measures for reasons yet unknown. I do agree the facility was very impressing, but when went into the facilities office to join I had been told that I had to pay the first 3 months in advance, which would be the promotion they ran at the time for $8 first month $8 the 2nd month then $76 for the third.. I had told them that I had been advised in the message that I would have the first month free, they had told me that promotion wasn’t available to me, as to some surprise this was just the start. Have any of you citizens had any troubles with their AP department or maybe have trouble canceling your membership and in the process it went past their cancellation period so you the innocent are now stuck. I find this company to be extremely unprofessional in the some fields but to their advantage and to our bank accounts. I had kept my membership and had a banking error within the first 3 months, as my banking information had been taken onto someone else’s account and I was charged for two memberships. I had approached the facilities manager and thought I had the matter worked out as they had kept insisting that all had been sorted and a refund check would be sent out. I am in my 2nd month of waiting for this check, and its not the amount I am worried about or need it’s the aspect of the way it was handled. I had been put around the ringer and had been told left right and center this is being sent to me. I do agree that yes they sent me a check but with the wrong name on it, then I have to wait their period again and an additional month. I find this “extremely” unprofessional and I am positive this is not the only story you have heard of these “extreme” discrepancies as I have heard many but was to late in my membership to cancel. So to those who have been thinking about joining this “extreme” club please beware that there may be “extreme” frustration upon the membership.

Yours Truly,

“Extremely” Concerned Citizen